i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
