bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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