Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
