That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
