I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
