Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
