you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
