this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
