have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
