oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize