i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
