We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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