i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize