SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
