Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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