he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
