Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
