...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
