The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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