She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
