Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
