I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
