I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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