Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So squirting runs in the family.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
