Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
