Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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