i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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