the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
