my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
