Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
