Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am available for nakedness
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
