I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize