I can tuck mytits in my pants
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize