guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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