Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
