i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
