Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
