STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
