just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
