This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
