I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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