That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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