Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
