my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
