the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
