I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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