i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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