It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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