i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
