My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
