Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize