he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
