im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize