pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
