i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
