i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
