Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
