We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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