You're completely useless in the revolution.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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