Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
