how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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