Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
