The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My dick has a subreddit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
