Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
