Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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